Possibly my worst day so far

This is being a rough semester.  When am I really going to start having fun?

 So I didn’t get any sleep last night.  I went to bed around eleven but literally woke up every twenty minutes throughout the night.  Finally, at 6:30am I went ahead and got up for good since I had to leave for work by 7:30am anyways.

Work was okay, though at one point a shift lead told me to go check the condiment bar.  All the milks were empty, all the sugars were empty, both trashes were full, and the counter was a mess.  Well that store doesn’t keep full caraffes in the back, so I had to refill caraffes.  The entire process took probably just over five minutes, but he came up to me and told me from now on (thank God it’s my only shift there!) I need to be quicker at it during a rush like that.  What?!  Maybe you should send people to do it more often during a rush so that it doesn’t take ten minutes!

Got dismissed and went racing back to campus to shoot my second roll of film.  Well in taking my first roll out of the camera, I ruined it.  I thought it had wound up, but it hadn’t, and when I opened it, it ruined it.  So I was stressed out and, with an hour until class, had to reshoot the entire first roll.  I managed, and fortunately, we only needed one, not both rolls for class today.

The beginning of class was okay, and some possibly good things transpired (Mom, I’ll tell you in e-mail).  We were learning how to process our negatives.  Long story short, we ran out of time, so after dinner, I had to go back to the lab without my partner to process both our negatives, anxious because I had no idea what I was doing.  The good news is, I didn’t screw up my partner’s negatives.  The bad news is, my entire roll was blank.  Which means at some point light got to it, but I haven’t the faintest idea what I did wrong.  I just e-mailed my professor.  I didn’t even take the film out until class, which means I had to have loaded it wrong, but I don’t understand how I could have.  And I can’t even reshoot (I’ll have to reshoot and reprocess BEFORE class on Wednesday; when?!) because the rest of my film hasn’t even arrived in the mail yet!

I’m just utterly frustrated and overwhelmed.  Our first forensics tournament is next week and I don’t have a single event ready to compete with.  I start work for real next week.  I’m not losing any weight despite eating really well and working out almost every day.  Diana and Heather (and a bit of Jessye) are the only friends I’m getting to see much at all.  I’m drowning under all my homework.  I’m suddenly terribly broken out.  And now there’s dating dilemmas?! 

AH, Heather is here; time to girl vent.

There has been a request for more pictures

Okay, so first, here are some just snapshots I took while out walking in the snow on Sunday.  It was lovely.

^ That reminds me SOOOO much of Amsterdam, London, and Slovenian skylines

Don’t they look powdered?

It’s me!  Not yet as COVERED in snow as I was by the end of my walk.  It’s fun  . ..  as long as you’re walking WITH the wind.

AND NOW THE FLOWERS!!

okay, so I decided I wanted some flowers in my room.  Went to TJ’s and they had them for $2.49 each.  So I bought an iris pot (four plants so far) and a daffodil pot (five plants so far). 

This is what they looked like when I first bought them:

Notice that the iris has two blossoms, and the daffodil is lagging.  It has one little yellow bud trying to open.

Then my heater broke and they didn’t change.

Then my heater got fixed this morning and the daffodils EXPLODED.

This is them at 5pm

6pm:

And 8pm:

Notice that now there are two fully opened blossoms and one trying to open.

On the tragic side, one iris bud withered and was buried with great wailing:

But so to be honest, I’ll go get pots for them some time this weekend, but how big of pots do I get?  How big are these suckers gonna get?  The iris has four sprouts thus far, and the daffodil has five.  Am I going to have to sacrifice some?!?!

The good and the bad

Bad: The heater in our suite broke last night.  And our room is on the North-East side of the building.  So I LITERALLY slept in an icebox last night.  It was soooo disgustingly cold that if I had realized earlier the heater was broken, I would have spent the night with a friend.

Good: I got out of bed alive.

Bad: The only pair of jeans I have that fit right now are getting a hole.

Good: The maintenence guys came really fast and fixed our heater AND my window.  One of them, Tom, was really sweet; we talked for a good twenty minutes.  I love hearing people’s life stories.

Bad: I overslept (meant to get up at 8, got up at 9:30).

Good: The camera store that I had to go to in Kenmore Sq. to buy some film and negative sheets was wicked easy to find.

Bad: I went by work to see why I hadn’t been scheduled, and it turned out Joanna DID schedule me.  For a four hour shift.  Turns out she doesn’t have the labor to give me the kind of hours I asked for, but instead of telling me this three weeks ago when I started talking to her, she thought four would be just as good as thirty.

Good: When I went by 62 Boylston Starbucks (the one that is literally two doors down from my building; it takes me 25 seconds to walk there during traffic) was extremely excited when I walked in and asked if they could use a transfer.  Kyle, the manager, said he’s needing to hire some people to work weekends and mornings which just so happens to be my availability.  AND he went ahead and transferred me in so that I’ll be making Boston wages, not Texas wages (although I still need to go change my address).  I start next week.  So basically, Joanna cots me like $150 dollars this week, but I’m going to try and look on the bright side and instead get LOTS of homework done, work out a lot, adn spend time on:

Bad: I’m not enjoying, nor looking forward to forensics.  I decided I don’t like my prose piece and I don’t think it’ll do well, which means I’m back to square one.  I’m just frustrated with all of it, and considering we don’t have any away tournaments this semester, there isn’t even the fun reward of travel.  I don’t feel like I can quit . . . but I really kinda want to.

Good: I went to the gym tonight.

Bad: I’ve procrastinated some of my homework until tonight when I should have gotten it all done Friday.

Good: My daffodils are blooming!!  I’ll post pictures tomorrow; I literally got to watch my daffodils (three so far) bloom before my eyes today, as well as a new bud on my purple iris.

Bad: I’ma go do homework now.  Yuck.

SUNDIZZLE

Woke up this morning and it was snowing so hard I couldn’t see but the sidewalk right below my window (well, from the 11th floor).  Because of this, and because of sleeping through my alarm, didn’t make it to church. 

Spent the morning dawdling.  Went to brunch with Amanda, Jessye, and Steph, then went to work and had my crisis there (I sure hope the manager calls me in the morning to tell me she’s redone the schedule and I’m included!!!)  To calm myself, went for a walk through the Common and Public Garden.  In the snow.  Walked for about two hours, including a stop at the grocery store, before I was just too cold.

Only had time to dry off a bit before Heather and I headed out to Jenna and John’s apartment to join them, Whitney, and Morgan for a lovely spaghetti dinner.  It was fun just to be around everyone.  It’s a nice apartment.  Every time I visit anyone, I rudely ask how much they pay a month, haha.  We had fun, though, and it was lovely to spend an evil with cool castle kids.  I love cooking with Jenna.

Came back, and instead of being productive, just kinda lounged around and did NOTHING.  Which is unfortunate, because I could have gotten a lot done tonight.  But I did do my translations and start to read The Faerie Queen.  Which means all I have left to do is finish reading the 100 or so pages of that, write a response about Twelfth Night, write a response to the Honors reading which I also already finished, go to the film place to get some film, negative sheets, developing paper, and filters, go the forensics meeting, go to the gym, continue to work on forensics, and begin reading Middlemarch.  I can put off my photography project until Wednesday morning, since class then isn’t until 2pm.

It would also be nice if sometime I had some time to WRITE, since I haven’t had time for that.  But, alas, I think it will be quite some time before I can watch a movie, cross-stitch, write, or read my for-fun books.

One week.  I’ve been here one week and I’m already ready to pack up and a.) go home or b.) run away to Europe.

But now, sleep.  Because it’s midnight and I have a LOOOOT to do tomorrow.  I don’t even know where the photo store is.  In Cambridge somewhere.  Great.  I’m going to get lost and end up in Vermont!

Update on my room decor

Most posters cost between $30-$50.  ALLL 89 of those photos . . . cost me $7.41 plus $3shipping.

I went on a walk yesterday

Yesterday on my walk to the North End (I LOVE it there!) to visit Copps Hill Cemetery (my favorite in Boston!), I took some pictures.

I like how creepy that one is with the melting snow.

That one makes me giggle.  What a spotlight hog!

And that’s me.  It was really painfully cold!!

The creepiest thing just happened

As soon as I finished the last post, I logged onto myspace.  The girl (Caro) who let me spend the night in her apartment in Germany friended me.

 Coincidence?  I think not.

There is a terrible draft in my room

but I don’t know what to do about it.  If you call facilities for a draft, they place it on lowest priority and never show up.  I tried putting books in front of it, as well as putting my shamrock throw on my windowseat, but still I can feel the chill invading my fingers as I type at my desk.  I also need to get a pillow for my chair that I can tie to the back, because it’s quite an uncomfortable chair.  The good news is, it means I get to use my cool/nerdy USB-port warming typing gloves.  The bad news is that  I look like a fool.  Oh, and my houseshoes are at home, so my toes are quite chilled.  But mostly the bad news is that I look like a fool.

More good news is that I survived my first week *three days of classes.  It was rough.  More than once I was tempted to jump out my window-with-the-excellent-view.  But I’ve survived.  I only have about $250 more supplies to buy.  My camera should be here Saturday.  A bunch of my pictures arrived in the mail today. 

 Today we talked about altruistic behavior in my Honors class — about whether it actually exists, and whether it can be found in animals.  The debate automatically makes me think of Platoes Republic, in which in his hypothetical city, Socrates sets out to verbally experiment with whether altruism actually exists.  One of the points made is that altruism has to be done without a reward, and so one can’t reward someone who has done something good . . . because then they might simply be doing the act for the reward.  And so really, we should punish whomever committed the kindness, in order to make sure that they really mean it.  However, one also has to consider that doing something good for someone makes you feel good.  So does that good feeling, knowing you’re going to get that good feeling, mean your actions are no longer altruistic?

I think the definition of altruism needs to be made clearer.  If altruism is doing a favor or helping another without any reward at all, or if it is simply without the expectation of a reward, or if the reward must be physical (monetary) or spiritual (good deeds) or egoistic (praise).  If you are doing something kind simply to be doing something kind, then technically you aren’t being altruistic, either.  Because the point, if I’m not mistaken, of altruism is to do something kind for someone because you sympathize/empathize with them.  Because they’re a human and you care about their well-being and safety.  That means that martyrdom and self-sacrifice are not necessarily altruism.  That means that in some schools of thought, Jesus Christ is the only one who ever could be truly altruistic.

 But I disagree with that.  Yes, I agree that Jesus Christ embodies altruism (as long as one agrees that Jesus made his ultimate sacrifice willingly, and not because He had to).  However, I disagree that normal people cannot enact altruistic behavior.  Not all the time, no.  But it all comes down to intention, which is utterly impossible for anyone but ones self to know.  The girl inviting me to her apartment to spend the night when I was stranded in Achen, Germany because, as she said, she knew what it was like to be stranded overnight out in the cold.  At face value, that was altruism.  Maybe she had an ulterior motive.  But I left a thank you note and my e-mail address and she never contacted me, so clearly she didn’t want anything from.  Maybe she was lonely and looking for some good conversation — is that selfish? or symbiosis?  Nonetheless, her behavior to me appears altruistic.  The girl from London who is mailing me a signed program because mine got lost.  She doesn’t know me.  We’re never going to meet, and after this exchange, we will probably never talk again.  But she is sending it to me because she lost everything in a fire when she was my age, so she knows what it feels like to lose invaluable things.  She won’t let me pay her for shipping because she said she knows what it’s like to be a college student when money is tight.

There are good people in the world.  As a whole, the human population may be dreary and depressing, but individually, there are good, kind people out there who are willing to perform random acts of kindness, usually because they know what it feels like.  Some would argue that means it’s not altruistic.  The selfish motive is . . . I can’t find one.  To realize that you’ve suffered and you don’t want someone else to suffer as you have and so are willing to help them, I feel, is about as altruistic as it gets. 

BUT ENOUGH of this philosophical babbling.  For someone who thinks philosophy is a big waste of time, I really do enjoy psychology and the blurry line of ethics between them.  I think people are fascinating.  but I didn’t mean to go off on this when really I should be reading about ethics in chimpanzees right now.  So to make up for it, here is a picture of me with my gloves.  In case you doubted the dorkiness.

 

 BTW, have you ever clicked on the “hey y’all” up at the top?  I wrote that back in the summer.  It’s rather amusing.

Already underwater

First off, let me express my utter sorrow at the passing of Heath Ledger. 

Aside from that terrible news overshadowing my day, first day of classes yesterday was okay.  Brit Lit is hardcore and I’m already floundering in all the reading and analysis we have due for Thursday.  Fortunately, the teacher seems pretty cool (in an English major way), and Bridget is in the class.  I’m sure the readings will be fun, too.  Went straight from there to Honors, where I’m with most of the castle Honors kids.  The class is ethics, which unfortunately we also studied last year, so this semester is going to majorly be a repeat.  Which sucks, but the teacher has said she’ll let us cite ourselves from previous papers.  She seems really nice, too, but she talks so QUIETLY that it’s hard to hear her in the big room.

THEN, fifteen minutes after that ends, is my sketch comedy writing class.  Which is going to be a blast, even if thre’s a boy in there that I really dislike from last year (he thinks he’s amazing but he’s truly one of the WORST writers I’ve ever read, and I never say that about people; I wouldn’t even say it now if he wasn’t so arrogant!)  Basically, our class is now a sketch comedy troupe.  We’ll spend the entire semester putting together a show, and then perform it (10-12 sketches) at the end of the semester at a comedy club in Cambridge — one of the top comedy clubs in the nation!  I’m soooo excited.

The evening was spent mainly reading Brit Lit and Honors stuff.  Ate dinner with Amanda and Jessye and a bunch of their friends.  Watched American Idol with Diana, Heather, and a bunch of the boys on Heather’s floor.  Late at night, David came to visit and we chilled for a bit in my room, then went to visit Jessye so she could show us the new song she learned on the guitar.  Wound up falling asleep with my Lit Bit open around 1am.

Today struggled to get up.  I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock every ten minutes for an hour and a half before I could finally force myself out of bed.  It’s like last year all over again.  I’m going to start taking those seratonin pills again to see if they’ll help, but I think I only have maybe a week’s worth.  If they work, though, it’s worth it; I don’t have the time to be napping all the time.

Had a forensics meeting with Heather this morning.  I’ve got my prose piece, now, as well as themes and some material for a poetry AND a POI (which I hadn’t planned on doing).  Still needing pieces for duo and DI.  I just had a lightbulb abotu a good DI piece!  I’ll go look this weekend, which is when I’ll hopefully get EVERYTHING planned out and put together because first tourney is in two weeks and I start work next Tuesday.  Good news is that since I’m doing POI, maybe I won’t have to do impromptu!!

Now have yoga class with Jessye in ten minutes.  I’ll have just enough time to come back and change before my four-hour photography class.  Then homework, American Idol, homework, floor meeting, and more homework.  The good news about all my classes but one being on the same day is that it gives me more days to do all my homework.  The bad news is, it’s all due at once.

Fortunately, I’m starting to get my room a bit more decorated (Ashley gave me her Mucha calendar from Prague and I cut a bunch of the illustrations out).  And I’m still getting to see friends amidst floundering under all this hoemwork.  If I have this much just from the first day, I’m terrified of what the rest of this semester is going to be like!

Today was truly a good day.

Woke up this morning at 8 but decided nah.  Got out of bed, turned my alarm off.  Then magically woke up at 9:30am, which was when I originally wanted to take up anyways.  Showered, and the good news is that the shower has hot water, does not have an awkward shower head, and we have an amazing bathmat. 

Left the LB and rode the T out to Fenway Park because the Bed, Bath, & Beyond is right there.  I forgot how much I love public trasport; I mean that seriously.  It’s fun to me to get on, get off, and just be another nameless person.  I like people watching.

BB&B was simple enough.  Bought a scale and a desk lamp.  Both were inexpensive and both can travel on to my apartment with me next semester.  The desk lamp is also bright enough that I won’t ever have to use the ugly overhead light again in my room.  Checked out and was about to leave the store when I realized I’d already lost my brand new charlie card (plastic subway ticket that’s reloadable) with $10 on it.  So I walked the entire store and miraculously found it on the floor.  Thank goodness.

Set me scale and lamp up, then went to lunch where I just happened to run into Amanda, Bridget, and Jessye.  YAY.  Steve came by.  And Lily.  Blake and Sam.  Ali and Kelsey.  Tori.  It’s like an unending parade of castle kids around here.  Every time I walk into a room people to start yelling my name and I have to look around like a deer in headlights for whoever is yelling me name.  Unless they tackle me to the ground, which happens more than it doesn’t.  In that case, identification problem solved.

We ate together, then I headed off to Starbucks where I met the new manager and saw some old workers that are still there.  Turned in my requests; the new schedule hasn’t been made yet.  Began my new tea collection here with some African Red Bush, and Amy gave me a free Americano.  She was one of the ones I really missed from this store; she’s such an interesting character.

It was cold outside and I wanted to drink my americano without having to walk, so swung by the suite David, Chris, and Sam share to chat with those lovely boys for a while.  David has loaned me a power chord.  I had already run into Steph downstairs, but she came up to chat, too.  I tell you, one can’t get away from castle kids.  Not that I want to.  But it’s so strange to me now to have friends everywhere.  It feels great to feel appreciated. 

 Walked to the Pru Center in the cold (it’s maybe 15-20 minutes?), but loved it.  I like walking around Boston, even when it’s freezing. Spent two and a half hours in Barnes and Nobles looking for speech and debate pieces.  I bought two books, which contain two possible prose pieces each.  And I have ideas for my poetry piece.  Impromptu can’t be prepared for.  So that just leaves Dramatic Interp and Duo.  I’m feeling a little less stressed about that.  But not much, haha.

 Had ordered my books this morning, but it turns out they won’t let you order your books online this close to classes, so now I have to go buy them at the store and have Dad pay me back or something.  It’s doable, but just complicated and stupid.  And I probably won’t do it tomorrow because I have three classes straight from 10am-3:45.  Wednesday morning, then.

I still want to buy a potted plant for my room, and I’m going to have to get something to put on my windowseat.  I wish I had just bit the bullet and bought a blanket for it this morning.  I want it so it’s comfortable to sit on, but also because it gets FREEZING at my desk because the windowseat conducts the cold so well; I think a blanket would warm it up a bit, at least.

Anyways, I know everything above sounds pretty insignificant, but I’m happy with it.  It was a good day.  I got to walk a bit; I got to see friends; I don’t feel as stressed about work and Starbucks now; I got a lot done.    Now I’m going to go . . . work on forensics a bit more, I think.  Maybe write a bit.  Get another section of my photography site up.  Then hit the hay early so I’m well rested (and hopefully headache free) for classes tomorrow!